


Synonyms of love

by raisedtokeepquiet



Category: Eurovision Song Contest RPF, Festival di Sanremo RPF
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:47:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22791226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raisedtokeepquiet/pseuds/raisedtokeepquiet
Summary: Ermal and Fabrizio meet after so long, post their stories together, and spend the rest of the weekend together. It doesn't quite go as planned, with Ermal's complete exhaustion, but maybe it's not such a bad thing.
Relationships: Ermal Meta/Fabrizio Moro
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	Synonyms of love

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Synonyms of love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22818346) by [deep__house](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deep__house/pseuds/deep__house)



Of course Fabrizio had understood Ermal when he had said “Let’s make a story to let our fans know.” Of course he had known Ermal had meant just one of them could make a recording, obviously they didn’t need two phones. But Fabrizio needed something to focus on, something besides Ermal.

He had hoped it would have become easier, now that they spent so much time apart, but it really hadn’t. He still wanted to reach out and touch Ermal. Fingers in his hair, a hand on an arm, an arm over his shoulders. He wanted to look at Ermal, stare at him, drink him in with his eyes. He wanted that anyway, in any case, had wanted that for so long, since so shortly after having gotten to know Ermal. Maybe he had always wanted it.

It was not a new thing, and he wasn’t surprised by it. What he was surprised by was the strength of it. He wanted those things always, yes, but he wanted them especially now. Now, with Ermal’s hair so long, but not losing its bounce. Now, with his face shaven and practically begging to be explored, Fabrizio’s fingers brushing over soft skin. Now, with Ermal dressed all in black, a few buttons opened at the top of his shirt. Now, with Ermal's hand on his back, a smile on his face, and  _ Bizio _ ’s dropping from his lips left and right.

If he was going to keep his composure, and keep from doing things he shouldn’t do - or not too much, not more than usual - he had to have something else to focus on. The last thing either of them needed was his ridiculous lovesick behaviour caught on film - caught live on film. So with the distraction of his recording phone in his hands, he managed. He had something to look at, something to keep at least one hand busy. 

Fabrizio almost smiled when Ermal leaned in to see what he was doing, unable to share his attention right now, even though his own was divided between Fabrizio and his phone. The smile only grew when his reply to Ermal’s question left Ermal almost speechless, for once without immediate comeback.

Their laughter filled the air, and Ermal put his phone away, collapsing into Fabrizio’s chest in an embrace like they had shared so many times before. Fabrizio pulled him close for a few seconds, and then slowly let go, even though he wished he could hold on longer.

“I’m so sorry, I forgot I’m the only one who can be teased on camera,” he said with a smile, teased some more, because now he could. His smile was met by Ermal’s answering one, but he didn’t reply. Fabrizio could imagine Ermal was fighting the urge to stick out his tongue. He ruffled his curls and let the moment pass to something more serious.

“You should go back soon for your other song, shouldn’t you?”

Ermal checked the time and nodded slowly. “I should,” he said, but kept standing there in front of Fabrizio, so close to him.

“I’ll go to the hotel,” Fabrizio told him. “You know my room number, right? Come by for an aftershow drink if you want?”

“Yes, I will,’ Ermal smiled. “I’ve missed you.”

And with that, he turned and left Fabrizio to watch him go, with Ermals words echoing sweetly in his mind.

-XXX-XXX-XXX-

Selfconsciously, Ermal rubbed at his face again. The traces of his tears weren’t obvious anymore, especially not in the low light, but they would be clear to Fabrizio. He could have texted him and said he was going to sleep after all, and make good on his promise of drinks the next day. But no - Ermal didn't want to be alone right now, not after this, not after that inexplicable wave of emotion that had been building up for days and finally crashed down on him. And honestly, the person he most wanted to see right now, was in fact Fabrizio. Of course it was.

It was a good thing, then, that he was right there on the other side of the door. Ermal brought up his hand and knocked, not too loudly. He didn’t want trouble with the other hotel guests who would surely be asleep by now, nor did he want to wake up Fabrizio if he had fallen asleep too. It had taken Ermal longer to make it to the hotel than he had estimated.

It turned out Fabrizio wasn’t asleep yet, as he opened the door swiftly.

“Ermal,” he breathed, a smile appearing on his lips. “Come in.”

Ermal stepped into the room and shrugged out of his coat, draping it over a chair.

“I just caught the end of your performance,” Fabrizio said with a nod in the direction of the television on the wall. He looked at Ermal then, his eyes roaming over his face. Ermal knew what Fabrizio could see there, and waited for the inevitable questions.

They didn’t come. Instead, Fabrizio walked over to the small fridge.

“What would you like to drink?”

“Just water, please.” He had enough going on without adding another buzz to the mix.

Fabrizio nodded, and poured two glasses. He put them on the bedside table, before settling on the bed, leaning against the headboard.

“Aren’t you coming?” he asked Ermal, who hadn’t moved yet.

“I am.” He toed off his shoes and left them by the door. He sat down next to Fabrizio, a little closer than he probably technically had to. Being here, next to Fabrizio, who had always felt so comfortable, made that weird tension melt from his bones, leaving only the bottomless exhaustion caused by sleepless nights and that rush of emotion.

Ermal let his head fall to the side until it rested on Fabrizio’s shoulder, and exhaled to fully relax. Fabrizio’s hand came up to gently comb through Ermal’s curls with the lightest of touches.

Ermal didn’t know how long they sat like that, but eventually the peace gave him some strength. He sat up a bit straighter and smiled a grateful half smile in Fabrizio’s direction. He reached out across him to grab his glass of water, and sipped it, the bubbles tickling his throat.

Fabrizio untangled his hand from Ermal’s curls, and brushed soft fingers underneath his eyes.

“Is everything alright?” he asked quietly.

“Yes, I’m okay,” Ermal reassured him. He was. He was feeling a lot better than before, and being around Fabrizio only helped.

“I’m okay now,” he repeated. “It was just…”

“Hmm?” Fabrizio murmured, taking up his glass as well, and shifting a little as he sat back so that their shoulders touched.

“That song, you know. The emotion in it. I… It was already there in the sound check the other day. But now, with the audience as well and all the cameras... There was something in the atmosphere. Something so much bigger than me. It got to me. During the performance already, but after as well. I couldn’t stop shaking until I got it all out of my system, after the performance.” Ermal brushed his eyes again. They still felt a little raw after all the salt water that had passed through them.

“It’s alright, I’m just tired now,” Ermal filled the silence. He put his glass down again, and slid a bit further down the mattress - and if that brought him a little closer to Fabrizio, then surely that was a coincidence. “How are you? Tell me about you.”

He listened to Fabrizio’s voice, felt it rumble in his chest. Fabrizio didn’t really talk about himself at all, he was telling Ermal about Libero and Anita, stories about what they had been up to. Ermal didn’t mind at all. He was more than content to just lie here and listen.

His eyes dropped shut, slowly, but he was still listening, he really was.

Until he wasn’t, because Fabrizio had stopped speaking. In the silence and the dim light, Ermal blinked his eyes open again, gazing accusingly at Fabrizio.

“I didn’t want to wake you up,” he explained, his expression soft.

“I wasn’t asleep,” Ermal countered stubbornly, not wanting to admit that Fabrizio might have been right. “I was listening.”

“So the last thing you heard was definitely Anita finding a stray animal and bringing it home?”

“Yes.” Ermal could remember something like that. Vaguely.

“What animal was that?” Fabrizio interrogated him, the smile never leaving his lips, and Ermal knew he was caught.

“It was… a small bird?” he guessed.

“Ah yes, it was. Glad you were still listening,” Fabrizio said with a nod and Ermal smiled. See, he did remember.

“Of course, after that there was the dog, the crocodile and the unicorn. I think you missed those, didn’t you?” Laughter was spilling through the syllables, and Ermal only groaned.

“I’m tired,” he said as an excuse.

“I know. You should go to sleep, Erm.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course. We’ve got the whole day free.”

Ermal pushed himself up from the bed, the fatigue dragging on his limbs. He put on his shoes and grabbed his coat.

“Good night, Bizio,” he mumbled, before turning to go, turning to find his own room in the maze that was the hotel, feeling Fabrizio’s eyes on his back until he turned a corner.

-XXX-XXX-XXX-

Once more, Fabrizio watched Ermal go. He hoped his friend would have a good night, would sleep well. He clearly needed it, and the ten minutes or so he had just gotten were not enough by a long shot.

He brushed his teeth quickly, and then buried himself in the blankets, falling asleep to memories of Ermal next to him, asleep, leaning into him. He could almost pretend he could feel the warmth of a body next to him, even now. If only that were true.

It wasn’t ten o’clock yet, when Fabrizio awoke again. He couldn’t remember his dreams, but what he still felt was a sense of comfort, of safety, of home. He could guess the cause of that.

He took a quick shower and ordered room service. It was only after that, that he thought to check his phone. He had a text, one from Ermal. One sent at five a.m.

_ I can’t sleep, Bizio. Will you come by my room when you wake up? I’ll leave the door unlocked. _

Fabrizio stared at the letters on the screen. Ermal hadn’t slept all night? He checked the time he had been last online, which was a bit before six. So maybe, hopefully, he had at least been sleeping since then. How hadn’t he slept? He was basically falling asleep where he stood last night when he left.

A knock on the door made him surface from these thoughts, and he accepted the room service a bit absentmindedly, thanking the girl. He glanced at his phone again, but the words hadn’t changed. So yes, he presumed, he was going to come to Ermal’s room.

He collected his things, put his breakfast on a single plate and took his coffee. Then he walked out of the room, letting the door shut behind him, and followed the same route Ermal had hours before.

He was glad Ermal’s room wasn’t too far from his. He was glad he didn’t encounter anyone, because he didn’t really have a good explanation to give to anyone to explain what he was doing in the hotel’s hallways on his socks, with a few croissants piled on a plate.

At Ermal’s door, he paused for a second, first double checking the number, the floor. A sliver of doubt crept into his mind, would he really be welcome? Shouldn’t he just let Ermal catch on on his sleep undisturbed? But then, Ermal’s words were clear enough.

Fabrizio slowly pushed the door handle down, expecting resistance despite Ermal’s words, but the door swung open obediently. 

“Ermal?” Fabrizio whispered. The room was dim, the light from the windows filtered by curtains. There was no answer, Ermal was presumably still asleep. That was good, then. Fabrizio stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, pausing to let his eyes adjust to the lowered level of brightness.

The room was an exact copy of his, though where his walls were accented in purple, Ermal’s were dark green. Idly he wondered for a second whether every room had a different colour, or if there were a handful of them that the rooms rotated through.

His eyes then settled on Ermal. He was asleep, the blankets a mess around him. He didn’t look quite as peaceful as he had done last night, but at least he was asleep.

Fabrizio didn’t quite know what to do next. He was here, but now what? 

He put the plate on the table, and sat down on the chair next to it. He sipped his coffee, letting his eyes roam through the space, though there was nothing much to focus on. It was a hotel room, bland and impersonal. He couldn’t keep staring at Ermal, either, and dragged his eyes away whenever they landed on him.

He found another difference between Ermals room and his own, besides the colour scheme. Ermal’s room actually had a balcony. And what was better, the door was ajar, so that Fabrizio could enjoy it without being afraid he would wake up Ermal with a noisy door.

He squeezed through a small gap and leaned on the railing. The view wasn’t great. Rooftops and a road to the side, a parking lot. Still, there was a weak sun shining down from the sky, doing its best to warm up the February morning a little. Fabrizo fumbled in his pockets for a cigarette and a lighter and stood there until long after it had burned out.

There were still no sounds coming from the room behind him, so there was no rush to go back yet. Fabrizio stood there, on the balcony with the not so great view, lost in thought. There actually was a calm to it, he realized. Usually, even when he was doing nothing, there were places to be, chores that he should be doing, things he could be doing. But right now, all he needed to do was be here for Ermal when he woke up. He didn’t need to go anywhere else, he was right where he should be. 

Eventually, the chill got to him, it was still winter after all, even if the sun tried valiantly to pretend it wasn’t. He went inside again, but froze when he found the bed empty. Where was Ermal? 

The toilet flushing answered that question, but now Fabrizio was faced with the next. What was he supposed to do? He didn’t want to scare Ermal, and surely, coming back from the bathroom to a room with someone suddenly in it would quite do that job.

He didn’t have long to think about it, as the bathroom door swung open to reveal Ermal.

“I’m just…” Fabrizio started, but stopped when he registered Ermal’s total lack of surprise, and instead wrapped his arms around Ermal automatically as he leaned into him.

“Bizio.”

-XXX-XXX-XXX-

“You’re not surprised?” Fabrizio asked, slowly letting Ermal go. Ermal wished he could stay curled up in his arms a bit longer, but it was okay.

“Hmm, no. Breakfast gave you away. Also the room smells of you. What time is it?”

“Bit after eleven, I think. How are you feeling?”

Ermal collapsed on the bed again, fluffing the pillows up so he could sit against them. 

“Still tired, but better than last night.”

Fabrizio took the plate and put it on the bed, pushing it towards Ermal, who dutifully took one.

“You couldn’t sleep?” Fabrizio asked softly, taking a croissant as well. Ermal could hear the slight note of concern in his voice, and wondered if he had done well to ask Fabrizio to come to his room like this, if maybe it had only worried him. But then, it had seemed such a good idea at five in the morning, when all he had wished for was the peace of mind he had had lying next to Fabrizio. And he was here now, so it didn’t seem Fabrizio minded too much.

Ermal just shook his head, biting into the fluffy pastry. “By the time I got into bed my mind was full of thoughts that just kept going in circles.”

They ate in silence for a while, picking up the crumbs carefully to not let them lie between the blankets.

“Do you want to sleep some more?” Fabrizio suggested, and Ermal looked at him. 

“What? Of course not! We were going to spend the day together and it’s already halfway over by now...”

“I really wouldn’t mind. I’d just get my laptop or something and we can go out when you’ve slept properly.”

Ermal paused. Fabrizio would  _ get _ his laptop? Meaning he would come back? And just sit here waiting around for Ermal to sleep?

“You’d be here?” It sounded just as surprised as he felt.

“Yeah. I mean…” Fabrizio’s voice had lost some of its confidence. “If you want me to. It’s alright, of course I can just not…” he trailed off a little awkwardly, his fingers toying with some strands of hair.

“I didn’t think you’d stay,” Ermal muttered, not letting the topic go. His thoughts turned and spun. He was still tired, that was true. The four hours or so of sleep he’d had had done very little and only taken off the rawest edge of exhaustion. The thought of sleeping more was almost irresistible, and the only thing stopping him was that it would take away from his precious time together with Fabrizio today. But if Fabrizio would stay, would be there close to him… Last night he’d had no issue falling asleep when he was around Fabrizio. It was only with every step away from him that the thoughts came back. He’d like to sleep a little longer, just a couple hours. He’d like Fabrizio to stay with him.

“I’d like you to stay.” 

Ermal hadn’t realized his voice had echoed his thoughts until he found Fabrizio looking at him.

“You do?”

Ermal nodded, strangely shy now. He wondered why. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t slept in Fabrizio’s vicinity before. It wasn’t that. It was just a little strange somehow. It was strange to plan it like this. It was strange that he would give in to the demands of his body when his mind didn’t want to. It was strange to show himself so… weak, for lack of a better word, even if he knew he could be vulnerable around Fabrizio.

“I’ll get some stuff from my room. I’ll be back soon.” Fabrizio promised, his eyes soft.

He was true to his word, it was just a few minutes later when the room’s door opened again. Fabrizio had quickly changed into more comfortable clothes for a day spent inside, and was carrying his laptop under his arm.

“Why are you still up?” he said with a smile. “You have to sleep!”

“Oh, yes, commanding me to sleep will surely make it work. That I didn’t try that last night!” Ermal retorted, but obediently shuffled down between the covers.

“Don’t forget I have experience getting stubborn children to sleep.” Fabrizio settled next to him, the laptop within reach, but for now his attention was still on Ermal.

“What are you going to do? Sing me a lullaby?” Ermal teased.

“If you want me to,” Fabrizio replied, all seriousness, and Ermal blinked up at him.

“No, that’s alright.”

Fabrizio smiled gently, and started running his fingers through Ermal’s curls. Ermal relaxed under his touch. This didn’t feel so strange anymore. This felt comfortable. This was what he had missed last night, on his own. He snuggled a little closer to Fabrizio and closed his eyes.

“Sleep well, Ermal,” Fabrizio said, and then started speaking quietly, he was talking about nothing in particular. Ermal didn’t even try to understand his words. It was enough that they were there, washing over him. 

Soon, he fell asleep.

When he woke up again, it was a slow emergence from sleep. It was a gradual shift where he became aware of what was real and what had been wandering through his dreams. There was still a gentle pressure running through his hair, comforting and familiar. Fabrizio was next to him, a solid presence, his smell filling the air.

Maybe reality wasn’t so different from his dreams then.

Ermal stretched a bit, and blinked his eyes open. He sat up a little. Not too much, he didn’t want to break any of the connections he had to Fabrizio. He would savour this moment. Maybe it would work to replay this day in his mind to help him sleep on other nights when he kept lying awake, staring at the ceiling and the moving specks of light on the walls from car’s headlights.

Fabrizio noticed he was awake, and paused the show he was watching. Ermal didn’t recognize it. 

“Good morning,” Fabrizio teased, as he put his laptop away. “Feel better?”

Ermal did a quick inventory. His thoughts ran more smoothly. He could imagine doing something outside of his bed, this room. If he really had to, he could find the energy for seeing people who weren’t Fabrizio, though he was glad he didn’t have to yet.

“Yes.”

-XXX-XXX-XXX-

Some time later, they found themselves on the balcony, standing side by side. Ermal breathed in the fresh air that succeeded in expelling the last haziness of sleep from his mind. He studied the view for a minute, but there wasn’t really much to see. Fabrizio just stared into the distance. He had seen it before, Ermal had figured, when he was still asleep in the morning. Nothing had changed since then, except maybe the colour of the cars in the parking lot.

A day of staring at cars in a parking lot... Ermal cleared his throat. 

“Bizio? I’m sorry about today. I know this isn’t what we had planned.”

Fabrizio turned to look at him, but he didn’t say anything. He just waited for Ermal to continue.

“I didn’t mean to be so boring. To make you sit around and wait until I’m finally awake enough to do anything but hang around my room. I know it’s stupid, to get so worked up over just a song… To not sleep for a week, to cry like that... You must think I’m so silly.”

Ermal directed his eyes at the moving cars on the road.

“Silly?” There was utter confusion in Fabrizio’s voice, enough to startle Ermal back into looking at him.

“I don’t think you’re silly at all,” Fabrizio continued, his eyes on Ermal’s, and sounding so sincere. Sounding like there was so much he wasn’t saying.

Ermal stared at him, captivated. 

“You don’t?”

For a second he was released as Fabrizio shook his head, but then his eyes settled back on Ermal’s, brown and warm and somehow even more intense than before.

“Of course I don’t.” Fabrizio closed his eyes briefly, and when he opened them again, it seemed like something had shifted. Like he had made a decision.

"I admire you, Ermal.” Fabrizio took a deep breath before he continued. “You have this iron strength around your soul, but it is just a thin layer, underneath you have the softest core that makes you so kind and empathetic and a great person. But the amount of strength needed to keep that balance, that soft heart with that layer of steel, is massive. You are so strong, for making that work. For not collapsing in on yourself, crushed by the weight of the world. For not letting the iron part take over, making you inflexible, cold and hard. For that strength, I admire you."

Ermal kept looking at the man in front of him. Fabrizio. Who with that short speech had rendered him absolutely, utterly speechless. Not just because those words had been the kindest, purest words anyone had said to him in a long time, their sincerity so clear, but mostly because Fabrizio seemed to overlook one very important fact.

Those words described him at least as well as they did Ermal.

And he needed to know that.

"Fabrizio," Ermal breathed, not sure how to explain this. "Can't you see?"

Fabrizo looked at him, with a question in his eyes, but a little wary, guarded. Ermal’s heart sped up a little. There was so much happening right now, even though it appeared so calm. He could sense that he had to pick his words with care, because this moment between them was incredibly fragile and one wrong word could shatter it irreparably.

"What you just said, it describes you perfectly. You have that balance you just mentioned, you have a layer of steel in you just enough to keep upright, keep fighting no matter what the world throws at you. You never let it overthrow you, even in the darkest times. But you also never let that steel overtake you, making you indifferent or uncaring. That balance, that is you, I've seen you, and I am so impressed by you. You are the strongest person I know."

"You... Ermal?"

"I mean it, of course I do. Bizio, you are someone I look up to. How can I not? And you now tell me that you think the same about me... I..."

"Maybe," Fabrizio started, voice hardly above a whisper now, almost getting lost in the wind and the sound of traffic rising up from below them, "Maybe, you and me, we were meant to find each other. Kindred spirits. Belonging together."

There was an echo of words they had spoken before, but it had never been like this before, the air between them had never been so heavy in this way. 

Ermal wished he could close his eyes, take some distance from this, from everything, it was so intense, but he couldn't, captivated as he was by Fabrizio's warm gaze, and he thought it was a little closer now than it had been before. He could sense that this moment was a pivotal one, important, so important, full of possibility right now, but when it was over, some doors would close forever. He had to make sure the right ones, the ones that gave him what he wished for most, would still be open. 

In this moment, it was time to be brave. He had to push aside all the fears that had stopped him before, that had stopped him for so long now, and be brave.

"I'd like that, belonging together, you and me," he whispered, though the words sounded loud in the empty air around them. He looked into Fabrizio's eyes, lost in their depths, but he pulled himself out again. He had to focus now, he had to get this right. Fabrizio looked back at him, seemingly frozen in the moment, breathing shallowly in the small space separating them. He hadn't reacted to Ermal's words at all.

Ermal slowly reached out his hand, taking Fabrizio's, intertwining their fingers. His other hand came up to trace Fabrizio's cheekbone with his thumb, but he then got shy, afraid it was too much, too sudden, a mistake. He dropped his hand, but didn’t release Fabrizio’s with the other. 

"Together" he repeated then, his voice a whisper. He hoped Fabrizio would understand what he meant. He knew he could be clearer, speak more plainly, make sure there was no alternative interpretation, but at the same time he couldn't. He just couldn't. This, right here, was what he could do, his mouth dry, heart battering in his chest as if it was trying to escape. He had been brave, and now he had to wait for what the outcome would be.

Fabrizio’s cheek tingled with the absence of Ermal’s touch. He looked down on Ermal’s hand, woven together with his, fingers slotted in the spaces between the others’. They fit well together, was the only thought that passed through his mind, his muddled mind, frozen somewhere between his decision to tell Ermal all those things kept inside for so long and Ermal’s response to them. Phrases echoed out at him, but none more so than that  _ together _ .

The echoes grew to a crescendo of hope, of realization that the only thing Ermal could mean was that what Fabrizio had hoped for, but had pushed aside as a fantasy, something that could never be.

And yet, here he was. Here they were. Maybe he had fallen asleep next to Ermal, and this was no more than a dream… Or maybe it was possible after all.

Fabrizio dragged his eyes back up to Ermal’s, just in time to see the slow change from a hopeful openness to a careful wary guardedness. The slightest tug started to pull their fingers apart.

Fabrizio tightened them together again.

“No, Ermal,” he said softly, the beginning of a longer speech, meaning to only refer to Ermal pulling away, but he realized as soon as the first syllable made it from his tongue that it wasn’t a good beginning of a longer speech. He put his other hand on his and Ermal’s together, bringing them closer to his chest, bringing Ermal just a bit closer to him.

“I mean, yes, Ermal,” he tried to amend, struggling to find the words that might explain what he felt. He wasn’t doing a very good job of this, of finding words.He was taken too much by surprise, now that everything had taken such an unexpected turn. It was what he had hinted at, with his words that were repeated by Ermal, with a slight twist of meaning. In fact, Ermal’s meaning was exactly what Fabrizio had in mind too, but he was just a bit too cowardly to say it. 

“You mean, yes, Ermal?” Ermal said, his eyes slowly brightening, that hesitation of before gone now. He looked expectantly at Fabrizio, keeping still. It was clear he was waiting for Fabrizio to elaborate on what he meant. 

Words were hard to find, but maybe he didn’t need words. Or at least, not only words. He made his eyes focus on Ermal’s, on those dark dark depths where hope had made a reappearance. 

Fabrizio reached out a hand, tracing the backs of his fingers across Ermal’s face, and then tangled them in his hair. He leaned in a little, even though they already were so close together, and then paused, waiting, ready to move back at the slightest hint that he was misjudging this. None came, so finally Fabrizio moved, pressing his lips against Ermals briefly. It was a chaste kiss, a try-out, a way to bring his point across without words.

This didn’t mean words were now unnecessary. He knew that. They still had to discuss this, find out where they really stood. But now it was Ermal’s turn. Out of the two of them, he’d always been the one better with words anyway. Fabrizio moved back a little, his hand, the one not still holding Ermal’s, had dropped to Ermal’s neck, his thumb caressing the soft skin.

He breathed out shakily, reassured by the smile that appeared on Ermal’s lips.

“That’s almost what I meant, yes,” he said, the smile edging towards a grin.

Fabrizio looked at him, not quite understanding how he was composed enough to tease right now, but it didn’t matter.

“Almost?” he took the bait.

“Hmm. I had more this in mind,” Ermal continued, the glint in his eyes now definitely mischievous. He untangled their hands and wrapped his arms around Fabrizio, pulling him close. And then he kissed him, properly, not chaste at all.

When he put some space between them, Fabrizio needed a second for his brain to catch up. Luckily he had the good sense to not let Ermal go completely, and he took the chance to rest his head in the crook of Ermal’s neck. He felt Ermal’s fingers in his hair, keeping him close.

“That’s… Yes, that’s something we can do together,” he muttered weakly, because it was hard to put the words together when all he felt was the rush of the blood in his veins and something strangely akin to butterflies in his stomach.

Ermal didn’t say anything, just kept his fingers threading through Fabrizio’s hair, kept him close. Finally, he put some space between them, and the expression on his face had turned more serious, the light in his eyes not quite as bright as before. 

“Bizio? Is that… Is that all you’d want to do together? Or would you… Do you want to  _ be _ …”

He trailed off, and Fabrizio rushed to fill the space he left, now understanding his sudden uncertainty.

“I’d like to be together too, Ermal.”

The smile Ermal smiled at him then was definitely brighter than the sun, sinking low and almost hiding behind the buildings.

“Me too,” Ermal said, and it sounded inexplicably shy, so out of place after everything they had just shared.

They stood there on the balcony, with the not so great view, leaning on each other and basking in this new-found mutual feeling. He would not have minded to stay there forever, but Fabrizio noticed goosebumps appearing on Ermal’s arms. He’d liked to be able to attribute it all to his presence, but he knew it was more likely the chilling wind picking up.

“Let’s go inside,” he suggested, untangling himself from Ermal. “It’s getting cold.”

Ermal nodded without comment and led the way inside, closing the balcony door behind them. He turned to Fabrizio.

“What do we do now?”

It was impossible to read from his expression what he meant with that, what he meant with  _ now _ . Fabrizio thought about it for a second, but realized that the answer he had in mind would cover any situation. He smiled gently.

“We’ll order some food, we’ll eat it while watching a movie, and then you can kick me out to go back to my own room so you can sleep. We can figure it all out later. We have time.”

Ermal shook his head at that, and Fabrizio’s heart skipped a single beat. Ermal didn’t agree? Then he caught the playful smile on Ermal’s lips, softened by his eyes.

“I think we found out I can’t sleep without you. Guess you’re stuck here now. How terrible!”

Fabrizio smiled. “Yes, that’s quite an awful situation I find myself in.” Then he added, because he did not want to have important things like this be masked by sarcasm, “I’ll gladly stay, Ermal.”

Ermal smiled at him, beamed at him almost, and took his place on the bed again, snuggled against the headboard. He cocked his head at Fabrizio, and then patted the empty space next to him.

“Come here then.”

Fabrizio didn’t wait to be told twice, and settled next to Ermal, his arms around him, pulling him close. Unlike earlier that day, he didn't have to stop himself, limit how much he was touching Ermal. He didn't have to be afraid of giving himself away or crossing lines. He wove his fingers into Ermal's hair and his other hand found Ermal's. 

Fabrizio smiled, unable to contain the happiness inside his chest. He turned his head and kissed Ermal's cheek. It was something he'd done before, but now, at last, he wasn't afraid to show the entirety of his feelings. 

Yes, he would gladly stay. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)  
> I'd love to know your thoughts!


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